I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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