i already hear my dad disowning me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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