PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
