I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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