I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
