i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
