Someone shit on the floor
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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