Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
