Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
