I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
