my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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