this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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