i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
