yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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