I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
