Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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