guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
