lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
