just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
