I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
