I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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