i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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