sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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