I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
