Whod you bang
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
