I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
