Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
