I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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