The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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