So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
