so let's talk penis.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize