Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
