using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
