so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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