are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
