I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
