either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize