I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
