I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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