My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
