Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
