I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
