This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
