the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
