its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
