can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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