Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
