I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize