i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
