shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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