You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
