I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
