is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
