And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
