so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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