brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
