So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
