I'm so fucking centered right now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize