Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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