i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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