adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
