so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
