drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
