the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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