You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
