I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
