dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will pee on everything he values.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize