Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize