They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
